One of my favorite reframing questions is “why are you doing this?” which helps adults move away from our default “what’s wrong with you?” frustration. As a longtime foster and adoptive mother, I’ve learned that there’s so much more that’s unseen in our kids than can or will ever be seen by the people witnessing the meltdown. Like you said, we’re all out here doing our best but man it’s freaking hard!
That's a great way to reframe a challenging situation. I should have asked my daughter that question at dinner last night! It is indeed freaking hard, and of course, we all struggle with the coulda, woulda, shouldhas.
Ugh, that all sounds so tough! I think I've mentioned Janelle Hanchett before, the writer with four children whose family moved from California to the Netherlands (https://www.renegademothering.com). She often talks about how much better supported parents are there, and how much more independent children are allowed to be in that culture.
I love that there are books from 1979 with those milestones! I didn't know about that. I was just thinking, yet again, about my "free-range" childhood and how we walked to and from school starting in first grade, and wondering if kids in Urbana, Illinois still do that. I hope so.
I have to say, seeing my son with his gaggle of walking companions, all of different ages and genders, is a beautiful sight. It's such a huge loss that most neighborhoods don't have groups of kids running up and down the sidewalks anymore. I've been lucky to find a few other "free range parents" close by and we are doing our best to inspire other parents and children!
Kerala, I love this essay. Working as a clinician I had the unique opportunity to know a lot more about people than what the outside world knows. And the reminder to not make assumptions has stuck with me, there is so much you don't know.
I feel this in my bones. All of it. Especially the bit about wanting our kids to be critical thinkers and to have individual expression, but also wanting them to be compliant. This is my personal struggle as a mom. Among many.
One of my favorite reframing questions is “why are you doing this?” which helps adults move away from our default “what’s wrong with you?” frustration. As a longtime foster and adoptive mother, I’ve learned that there’s so much more that’s unseen in our kids than can or will ever be seen by the people witnessing the meltdown. Like you said, we’re all out here doing our best but man it’s freaking hard!
That's a great way to reframe a challenging situation. I should have asked my daughter that question at dinner last night! It is indeed freaking hard, and of course, we all struggle with the coulda, woulda, shouldhas.
Ugh, that all sounds so tough! I think I've mentioned Janelle Hanchett before, the writer with four children whose family moved from California to the Netherlands (https://www.renegademothering.com). She often talks about how much better supported parents are there, and how much more independent children are allowed to be in that culture.
I love that there are books from 1979 with those milestones! I didn't know about that. I was just thinking, yet again, about my "free-range" childhood and how we walked to and from school starting in first grade, and wondering if kids in Urbana, Illinois still do that. I hope so.
I have to say, seeing my son with his gaggle of walking companions, all of different ages and genders, is a beautiful sight. It's such a huge loss that most neighborhoods don't have groups of kids running up and down the sidewalks anymore. I've been lucky to find a few other "free range parents" close by and we are doing our best to inspire other parents and children!
Kerala, I love this essay. Working as a clinician I had the unique opportunity to know a lot more about people than what the outside world knows. And the reminder to not make assumptions has stuck with me, there is so much you don't know.
I feel this in my bones. All of it. Especially the bit about wanting our kids to be critical thinkers and to have individual expression, but also wanting them to be compliant. This is my personal struggle as a mom. Among many.