32 Comments

I will always stop what I’m doing to read about people’s mushroom journeys. Ever since my own two years ago - I find them so fascinating- esp how often we all come to that same cliched realization- it’s all about love. Thanks for sharing! This was beautiful

Expand full comment
author

I find the common threads so fascinating as well! It's like the mushrooms are reminding us what's bullshit and what it actually means to be human.

Side note: My husband is not just deconstructing his childhood Mormon faith but also his experiences as a Black Mormon is Salt Lake City. Looking forward to reading your stuff!

Expand full comment

Whoa no way! I’m sure he has some stories!!

Expand full comment
author

Oh yes!!

Expand full comment

I *loved* this essay and also, I’m from Utah and that sounds like a lot to unpack for your husband. I’ve done a few pieces on Mormonism myself and it’s so layered. Would be happy to share those if it would help to feel more moral support.

Expand full comment
May 21Liked by Kerala Taylor

Thank you so much for all of your articles, and the stories that lead to this one. I'm so taken with your writing and the raw truths of humans and dynamics, trauma and love.

I've been craving a therapy session myself, with fear. Yet hauling trauma memories does us no good, dealing with them can be profound I hear. And reading Michael Pollan's book was compelling, your story sharing is so valuable and meaningful to people.

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Kim! Yep, it was Michael Pollan's book that initially got me interested in this! I was pretty nervous going in, I'll admit, but I highly recommend the experience.

Expand full comment
May 21·edited May 21Liked by Kerala Taylor

Michael Pollan's book was also my first introduction to the field of psychedelics for mental health!

Expand full comment

What an incredibly powerful essay. Your writing is beautiful. And this piece really increases my interest in psilocybin!!

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Jo-Ann. I'm sure experiences vary, but I would absolutely recommend trying it if you can! I've done my share of experimentation with... uh, substances... but this was an experience like no other.

Expand full comment
May 26Liked by Kerala Taylor

This is gorgeous. I learned a ton from Rebecca Kronman about all this, including the tidbit that if you look at adults brains on psilocybin, they look like kids brains :)

Expand full comment
author

That makes total sense to me! I think so much of psilocybin is reconnecting with our inner child.

Expand full comment
May 28Liked by Kerala Taylor

If it interests you, here's my interview with her! I am really very interested in this all...

https://motherofitall.substack.com/p/episode-17-rebecca-kronman-on-parenting-9fd

Expand full comment
May 27Liked by Kerala Taylor

Love that nature helps us to unlearn the nonproductive patterns we have developed in order to be productive.

Expand full comment

Wow. Thank you so much for writing this. I've been saying for a while that I want to trip under observation. Like, folks taking notes and babysitting. I am so intrigued by what that experience may be like, yours was so.. full? Enlightening? Heart warming and breaking? It moved me so!

Expand full comment
author

I hope you get to experience this! I was grateful that a facilitator was in the room with me, even if there were many hours when we weren't interacting. I'd be surprised if psilocybin therapy didn't start getting legalized in more states as we roll it out in Oregon and Colorado. Thank you for reading and sharing!

Expand full comment

Fascinating. I'm curious Kerala, were you thinking about your family/older generations prior to this experience or did you envision your family out of the blue when you were on psilocybin? And, would you ever try it again, any reason to?

Expand full comment
author

I was really surprised to see my ancestors and my children's ancestors, whom I don't regularly give a ton of thought to. My mother-in-law did post a photo of her mother on Facebook of her mother a few days prior (on Mother's Day, I think) so it was understandable that they were both on my mind. But the visions I recognized as ancient ancestors were totally unexpected.

And yes, I'm quite sure I'll be trying this again! They say the benefits linger for about three months. It is pricey so that will be a factor in the timing for me, and I'll probably opt for a lower dose next time around.

Expand full comment

Thank you so much for sharing this. I've been doing MDMA therapy for a couple years now and credit it with giving me the insight into my deeper truth to allow me to leave my marriage. This is a huge theme in my book that is out on submission but I haven't written about it on Substack yet (it still isn't legal in California). But I feel so strongly that these treatments hold incredible healing power and hope to become an evangelist for it.

Expand full comment
author

I've been reading up on MDMA therapy as well and would love to try it. I did have some very "successful" MDMA experiences in college but it's been a loooooong time. And I've never tried it in a therapeutic setting, which I'm sure is very different from a rave. 😜 I hope to get a chance to read more about it in your book!

Expand full comment
May 23Liked by Kerala Taylor

this was beautiful- thank you for sharing

Expand full comment
May 23Liked by Kerala Taylor

Oh, what a beautiful plunge into the depths of the heart and mind. Psychedelics are such a gift in this way.

Expand full comment

Wow, it sounds like an amazing and profound experience! I've thought a lot about trying psilocybin therapy, I heard somewhere that it's kind of like accelerated EMDR. I'll be curious to hear if the insights you experienced continue to impact you in the coming months.

Expand full comment
author

I would definitely recommend it if you can access it. They say effects typically linger for about three months. I imagine I'll go back at some point, though I may try a slightly lower dosage. About five days later, I still feel that core sense of serenity and a much more positive disposition toward those around me. We'll see how long it lasts!

Expand full comment

Good to know! Thank you!

Expand full comment
May 22Liked by Kerala Taylor

Thank you for this. Wow. Your writing is beautiful and I learned SO much!

Expand full comment

Another wonderful essay, thanks so much. Funny, I’ve been writing one about the 6-7 ayahuasca journeys I’ve been on (which aren’t with a therapist but are in a ceremonial setting), but the emphasis is more on how I never feel like I get in deep enough because my body can’t handle it, so I feel like an impostor who can never do things right. I keep trying, though. Sounds like you had an amazing experience that was well worth it, and as always you write about it beautifully.

Expand full comment
author

I'd love to try a group experience sometime. Curious what you mean by your body can't handle it? Does it make you sick? Either way, I definitely want to read that post!

Expand full comment

There's something special about doing these in a group/ceremony setting, even if you don't talk to anyone (which you don't in an ayahuasca ceremony, though there are helpers you can talk to if you need to). It's kind of like meditating with a group. I also did a few MDMA 1-1 therapy sessions, which were helpful, though it's not a psychedelic. Seems that in my older age, psychedelics make me pretty physically ill — not just in terms of throwing up, but a sort of whole-body sickness and extreme weakness. As soon as the medicine wears off I feel great, but it's hard to take and I can't have as big a dose as I'd like. (Not sure I'll post my thing about ayahuasca on here, mainly because it's getting a bit long for Substack — we'll see!)

Expand full comment

This is powerful and gorgeous and just, wow.

Expand full comment

This was so profound and moving -- tears came to my eyes as I read this! On silent meditation retreats I've found myself reaching similar insights about how it all comes down to love. And yes, to my intellectual mind it seems clichéd, but the experience of truly, deeply feeling the power of love is beyond words.

I've only used psilocybin recreationally, but this essay makes me eager to explore it with the guidance of a therapist! I have had remarkable results with ketamine therapy for depression, though the psychedelic effects of ketamine are far more abstract. I wrote about my experience with ketamine here: https://www.adhdunpacked.com/p/ketamine-depression-treatment?r=2b4apy&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Taylor. I do think it's quite a different experience with a therapist. I also think they have access to fairly potent mushrooms 😜. I've been hearing about ketamine therapy quite a bit lately too -- looking forward to reading your post!

Expand full comment