I think your article just summarized the concept of reproductive justice, which is a feminist framework created by Black feminists in the 1990s, if I’m not mistaken.
Well, I just fell down a reproductive justice Google rabbithole, and you're absolutely right. The lesson here is that any time I think I have a "new" way to approach feminism, there is probably a Black woman who said it first (and probably decades ago!)
My oldest kid was born 2 weeks before the inauguration and I wrote Obama was still president in his baby book- the summer of 2016 I was 14w pregnant during the DNC and I truly believed Hillary Clinton would be President during my kid’s first years of life. Now that 7 yo has been saying for months it’s time for Kamala to be our President and I have a 5 yo as well. I am a feminist and I wanted kids and I still worry about the world I have brought them into- particularly as NC residents where our neighboring counties are still experiencing catastrophic loss.
It felt like a choice at the time when my husband and I decided to have kids and I love our kids more than I ever could have imagined but the whole system built on the emotional and invisible labor of women certainly feels like a scam.
Oof, what a time to give birth! I'll never forget how my 18-month-old son joyously identified his toes and bellybutton the day after the 2016 election and I broke down into tears. He was very confused.
And yes, so many of the ways we were sold motherhood feel like a scam in retrospect.
I am someone who desperately wants to be able to opt into having children, but don't know if I will be able to. I am disabled in ways that wouldn't make having biological children impossible, but would make the physicality of bearing and then raising children exceptionally difficult. My disabilities also lead to financial precarity that makes the prospect of having children difficult as well. With adequate support (both personally and on a more systemic level) it would feel much more possible for my partner and I to have children. The problem is that I don't think that will happen in time for us. The changes that need to happen will take longer than we have before my biological window to have children runs out. We're considering foster care (but worry about the energy that will require and whether or not we have what it takes) and are very open to eventually hosting international students and finding other avenues for me to help raise and nurture children and/or teens, but my grief has been intense and pops up in nearly every part of my life. What you've named here feels very relevant to what I'm experiencing, and it's probably going to impact the course of the rest of my life.
I so wish I could offer you more than solidarity in your very understandable grief. Thank you for sharing your story, and I do hope you write more about this! Your comment is especially timely for me as I'm putting together a presentation for my team on able-ism and ADA, which involves asking my them about a challenge they've overcome and then considering the steps they took to overcome it and how having various disabilities would have affected that process.
I appreciate that as a thought exercise. It's something most of us don't think about until we or someone close to us becomes disabled, and the truth is that most of us will eventually become disabled in some way as we age. It's wild given that reality that as a society we don't do more to accommodate disabilities.
I've been trying to write about this for a while, and you may have given me a place to start from. Thank you! I'm also going to check out the Reproductive Justice link you shared.
Yes! And, why should people have to opt out of having kids in the first place? Meaning, doesn't that assume the default position is opting in? And why would that be? If I'm subscribing to a service, and I decline that service, I'm opting out. But, if I'm not a subscriber to the service I don't have to opt out of a service I haven't subscribed to, that's madness. I was never "in" in the first place. In fact, and probably more importantly, I never subscribed. I'm not raising subscribers. Whether or not my children have children has always been up to them, there's always been an "if you decide to have kids someday?" it's never been an "if you decide not to."
I'm not raising future parents. I'm raising humans. Humans I delight in, love learning about, spending time with, growing with. Humans, who, with any luck will someday allow me to continue to be a part of their lives. Something I'm completely aware, they could, at any point in time, opt out of.
And a note on your afterthought about “working dad” as a non-concept, working at a huge multinational company, I hashtagged my internal employee profile page with the term, #workingmom. As the gay dad (of two) who was also my sons’ “homeroom mother” and doctor-appointment-goer, etc… it was important to me to honor what working moms do, what men who work and are also dads do not, and that I did the former!
Somehow I just saw this one. So spot-on, as always. You might enjoy reading Janelle Hanchett, now also on Substack (https://janellehanchett.substack.com/p/welcome-to-my-questionable-idea). She moved from California to the Netherlands with her husband and four children, and she's found it so much more supportive of families (though my no means perfect, which she will be writing about). She used to write this blog (which I may have mentioned before, sorry if I'm repeating myself): https://www.renegademothering.com.
I think your article just summarized the concept of reproductive justice, which is a feminist framework created by Black feminists in the 1990s, if I’m not mistaken.
Well, I just fell down a reproductive justice Google rabbithole, and you're absolutely right. The lesson here is that any time I think I have a "new" way to approach feminism, there is probably a Black woman who said it first (and probably decades ago!)
Yes! Loretta Ross & SisterSong are great places to start ❤️
❤️🔥
My oldest kid was born 2 weeks before the inauguration and I wrote Obama was still president in his baby book- the summer of 2016 I was 14w pregnant during the DNC and I truly believed Hillary Clinton would be President during my kid’s first years of life. Now that 7 yo has been saying for months it’s time for Kamala to be our President and I have a 5 yo as well. I am a feminist and I wanted kids and I still worry about the world I have brought them into- particularly as NC residents where our neighboring counties are still experiencing catastrophic loss.
It felt like a choice at the time when my husband and I decided to have kids and I love our kids more than I ever could have imagined but the whole system built on the emotional and invisible labor of women certainly feels like a scam.
Oof, what a time to give birth! I'll never forget how my 18-month-old son joyously identified his toes and bellybutton the day after the 2016 election and I broke down into tears. He was very confused.
And yes, so many of the ways we were sold motherhood feel like a scam in retrospect.
I am someone who desperately wants to be able to opt into having children, but don't know if I will be able to. I am disabled in ways that wouldn't make having biological children impossible, but would make the physicality of bearing and then raising children exceptionally difficult. My disabilities also lead to financial precarity that makes the prospect of having children difficult as well. With adequate support (both personally and on a more systemic level) it would feel much more possible for my partner and I to have children. The problem is that I don't think that will happen in time for us. The changes that need to happen will take longer than we have before my biological window to have children runs out. We're considering foster care (but worry about the energy that will require and whether or not we have what it takes) and are very open to eventually hosting international students and finding other avenues for me to help raise and nurture children and/or teens, but my grief has been intense and pops up in nearly every part of my life. What you've named here feels very relevant to what I'm experiencing, and it's probably going to impact the course of the rest of my life.
I so wish I could offer you more than solidarity in your very understandable grief. Thank you for sharing your story, and I do hope you write more about this! Your comment is especially timely for me as I'm putting together a presentation for my team on able-ism and ADA, which involves asking my them about a challenge they've overcome and then considering the steps they took to overcome it and how having various disabilities would have affected that process.
I appreciate that as a thought exercise. It's something most of us don't think about until we or someone close to us becomes disabled, and the truth is that most of us will eventually become disabled in some way as we age. It's wild given that reality that as a society we don't do more to accommodate disabilities.
I've been trying to write about this for a while, and you may have given me a place to start from. Thank you! I'm also going to check out the Reproductive Justice link you shared.
Oh... you bring up some loaded stuff! VERY GOOD QUESTIONS!
Yes, my finger hovered over that "send to everyone now" button for quite some time!
Glad you clicked!
Yes! And, why should people have to opt out of having kids in the first place? Meaning, doesn't that assume the default position is opting in? And why would that be? If I'm subscribing to a service, and I decline that service, I'm opting out. But, if I'm not a subscriber to the service I don't have to opt out of a service I haven't subscribed to, that's madness. I was never "in" in the first place. In fact, and probably more importantly, I never subscribed. I'm not raising subscribers. Whether or not my children have children has always been up to them, there's always been an "if you decide to have kids someday?" it's never been an "if you decide not to."
I'm not raising future parents. I'm raising humans. Humans I delight in, love learning about, spending time with, growing with. Humans, who, with any luck will someday allow me to continue to be a part of their lives. Something I'm completely aware, they could, at any point in time, opt out of.
I always love your balanced take.
Kerala, thank you for this amazing piece.
And a note on your afterthought about “working dad” as a non-concept, working at a huge multinational company, I hashtagged my internal employee profile page with the term, #workingmom. As the gay dad (of two) who was also my sons’ “homeroom mother” and doctor-appointment-goer, etc… it was important to me to honor what working moms do, what men who work and are also dads do not, and that I did the former!
Somehow I just saw this one. So spot-on, as always. You might enjoy reading Janelle Hanchett, now also on Substack (https://janellehanchett.substack.com/p/welcome-to-my-questionable-idea). She moved from California to the Netherlands with her husband and four children, and she's found it so much more supportive of families (though my no means perfect, which she will be writing about). She used to write this blog (which I may have mentioned before, sorry if I'm repeating myself): https://www.renegademothering.com.