Ha! I'm older than you, so I was hating Phyllis Schlafly long before Hulu existed. Interesting to see another perspective on her. (It always irked me that she didn't support women working, when she wasn't exactly staying at home.)
I am not a mother and will never be, but I'm always interested in what mothers are going through because it's such an important part of our culture. I'm not exactly surprised that you got angry comments, but that is disappointing. You nail it with this:
"All of us clearly felt, and continue to feel, profoundly harmed by a system that devalues our labor and fails to acknowledge our contributions.
But none of us were accurately naming the harm, nor naming who (or what) was actually responsible for it. Turns out, when we do this, we’ll inevitably find we have more that unites than divides us."
Sometimes I forget that there are many women today who have lived through the things I've only read about! I imagine most women of your generation were aware of Phyllis Schlafly loooooong before I was :)
In the grand scheme of things, I've definitely gotten far more angry/nasty comments from men than women, but the ones from women have always bothered me more. I truly appreciate your authentic curiosity about other women's experiences and would love to see more of us follow suit!
"This isn’t about all of us “getting along.” It’s about redirecting the anger and blame."
Thanks a bunch for this Kerala. I'm gonna take a breath and get back to this piece, because there's stuff in it I really need to hear and sit with. There's so much richness in it, in part because it names the question of what our corporate responsibility is to different forms of care, and the tension of who holds that responsibility.
Part of that makes me think of Eva Kittay's concept of "Debt of Care" — that we all owe care because we received care, but the hard work of who's responsible for what, and how responsible we are for other's choices is the tricky part.
But, as you name, in a system formed by "the men in charge", it's obvious that this tension is going to felt first by women, because it still operates on the assumption that this is women's work — no wonder it's mostly women who even show up to have this fight.
P.S. I actually quoted your initial note about this in my latest piece which explores how "self-blame" is utilised by capitalism to prevent us from demanding change from the system.
So well put, as always! I ended up struggling way more than I anticipated in writing this story because I think what I'm saying could so easily come off as trite or compromising or just playing the "victim card." But I think these issues are actually very layered and it's walking that line between honoring individual experiences and challenges and seeking common ground. I have your latest piece saved and have skimmed it, but also need to sit with it more! As usual, lots of good and rich stuff in there.
There's so much in this that I appreciate. And, parents or not, in corporate life, we're expected to be there, deliver results. I haven't given birth to anything, but I'm not childless. And I've seen so many women with kids or not working 60+ hour weeks, exhausted, little social life. Any open time I had to travel became a b line to the kiddos. There are ways we can support each other. So many resonant points within, and one, regardless, is that exhaustion plays an incredible part in all of our lives, and that makes us pull in for elf preservation. It's harder to collaborate and be supportive when trying to find ways to sleep.
Ha! I'm older than you, so I was hating Phyllis Schlafly long before Hulu existed. Interesting to see another perspective on her. (It always irked me that she didn't support women working, when she wasn't exactly staying at home.)
I am not a mother and will never be, but I'm always interested in what mothers are going through because it's such an important part of our culture. I'm not exactly surprised that you got angry comments, but that is disappointing. You nail it with this:
"All of us clearly felt, and continue to feel, profoundly harmed by a system that devalues our labor and fails to acknowledge our contributions.
But none of us were accurately naming the harm, nor naming who (or what) was actually responsible for it. Turns out, when we do this, we’ll inevitably find we have more that unites than divides us."
Sometimes I forget that there are many women today who have lived through the things I've only read about! I imagine most women of your generation were aware of Phyllis Schlafly loooooong before I was :)
In the grand scheme of things, I've definitely gotten far more angry/nasty comments from men than women, but the ones from women have always bothered me more. I truly appreciate your authentic curiosity about other women's experiences and would love to see more of us follow suit!
"This isn’t about all of us “getting along.” It’s about redirecting the anger and blame."
Thanks a bunch for this Kerala. I'm gonna take a breath and get back to this piece, because there's stuff in it I really need to hear and sit with. There's so much richness in it, in part because it names the question of what our corporate responsibility is to different forms of care, and the tension of who holds that responsibility.
Part of that makes me think of Eva Kittay's concept of "Debt of Care" — that we all owe care because we received care, but the hard work of who's responsible for what, and how responsible we are for other's choices is the tricky part.
But, as you name, in a system formed by "the men in charge", it's obvious that this tension is going to felt first by women, because it still operates on the assumption that this is women's work — no wonder it's mostly women who even show up to have this fight.
P.S. I actually quoted your initial note about this in my latest piece which explores how "self-blame" is utilised by capitalism to prevent us from demanding change from the system.
So well put, as always! I ended up struggling way more than I anticipated in writing this story because I think what I'm saying could so easily come off as trite or compromising or just playing the "victim card." But I think these issues are actually very layered and it's walking that line between honoring individual experiences and challenges and seeking common ground. I have your latest piece saved and have skimmed it, but also need to sit with it more! As usual, lots of good and rich stuff in there.
There's so much in this that I appreciate. And, parents or not, in corporate life, we're expected to be there, deliver results. I haven't given birth to anything, but I'm not childless. And I've seen so many women with kids or not working 60+ hour weeks, exhausted, little social life. Any open time I had to travel became a b line to the kiddos. There are ways we can support each other. So many resonant points within, and one, regardless, is that exhaustion plays an incredible part in all of our lives, and that makes us pull in for elf preservation. It's harder to collaborate and be supportive when trying to find ways to sleep.