This was such a beautiful read. And congratulations on your divorce. I’m proud of you for taking that step. I could feel the serenity you wrote about as you talked about how you currently feel. Thank you for writing this.
I feel like I could've written this (except I would've used much more profanity and exposed many more examples of my ex-husbands antics). I'm happy for you, and I'm so thankful you are sharing so honestly. I, too, held a lot of judgment for others getting divorced that I have since had to repent for thinking.
"Men do; women help." Ugh — so, so true. I so appreciate everything you write, but I'm sorry a lot of it comes out of an untenable situation. Congratulations on making the move toward improving your life, as hard as it is to do that. Leaving my first husband was the hardest thing I ever did, but it did lead to better things. I wish the same for you!
You have expressed the complexities of marriage so well! So many years of emotional labor is draining. We all are ultimately responsible for our selves. This role of “helper “ for women has got to shift into a more balanced approach. You got this! I’m excited for you and congratulations!
Incredibly well written, thank you Kerala. In my religion women do not make casseroles like at all, but they do ask for upgrades (for someone better). Sometimes it might be the man who wants someone better, or more aligned with his values. I hope you find someone better and more compatible. The idea of inertia is fascinating.
Thank you Heather! While I'm not exactly "glad" that this story seems to be resonating with so many, I hope it makes us all feel a little less alone. Sometimes we're made to feel like we're the only ones struggling while everyone else out there is living Instagram-perfect lives.
Your text just left me amazed, it's like finally having an answer to why my mom stayed in a failed marriage for so long. She wanted to save my father, from trauma, drinking, mental illness, she was so motivated in all her projects, even the doomed ones.
(My father was also too handsome to ignore I'm afraid)
She died 17 years ago, 2 years after leaving my father. I just wished she had more time to be free, but at least for a moment she was free.
This piece is powerful and beautiful. Thanks for sharing your experience. I was particularly moved by your candid admittance that there is a lot of paradox / a lot of both/and in divorcing. In leaving.
It’s so hard. And (for some) the simple and only answer.
Also, the inertia. Ooof. So on point. How to get off the ride. That’s a tough one.
This was such a beautiful read. And congratulations on your divorce. I’m proud of you for taking that step. I could feel the serenity you wrote about as you talked about how you currently feel. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you so much, Ashleigh. It can be difficult to write about things while I'm in the thick of them, but it definitely helps me process!
I feel like I could've written this (except I would've used much more profanity and exposed many more examples of my ex-husbands antics). I'm happy for you, and I'm so thankful you are sharing so honestly. I, too, held a lot of judgment for others getting divorced that I have since had to repent for thinking.
Oh, my first draft was much angrier! Thank you Camilla, it always helps to know that others can relate.
Marriage is a melting pot of complexities. Sometimes, I feel I am just beginning to understand this. What a brave and inspiring essay, Kerala.
"Men do; women help." Ugh — so, so true. I so appreciate everything you write, but I'm sorry a lot of it comes out of an untenable situation. Congratulations on making the move toward improving your life, as hard as it is to do that. Leaving my first husband was the hardest thing I ever did, but it did lead to better things. I wish the same for you!
You have expressed the complexities of marriage so well! So many years of emotional labor is draining. We all are ultimately responsible for our selves. This role of “helper “ for women has got to shift into a more balanced approach. You got this! I’m excited for you and congratulations!
Thank you Shelley! And yes, helping is wonderful but as you say, it requires a balanced approach.
Incredibly well written, thank you Kerala. In my religion women do not make casseroles like at all, but they do ask for upgrades (for someone better). Sometimes it might be the man who wants someone better, or more aligned with his values. I hope you find someone better and more compatible. The idea of inertia is fascinating.
I love the idea of an "upgrade!" Or, as you say, someone more aligned with our values.
Inertia describes it well.
Yes, this is my story too. It seems to happen a lot to otherwise intelligent women.
Holy smokes, this is so good.
Beautiful, powerful read, surely reflective of the writer herself:).
Oh! my heart ♥️. So many feelings. I can’t explain. One of them being
Including excitement for your future.
Thank you Karen! I'm excited too, and of course terrified at times!
So many similarities here
Xo
Congratulations 🫶
Aside from the drinking and the interracial element, I could have written this myself. Thanks for putting it into words.
Thank you Heather! While I'm not exactly "glad" that this story seems to be resonating with so many, I hope it makes us all feel a little less alone. Sometimes we're made to feel like we're the only ones struggling while everyone else out there is living Instagram-perfect lives.
Congratulations to you on this next step. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
Your text just left me amazed, it's like finally having an answer to why my mom stayed in a failed marriage for so long. She wanted to save my father, from trauma, drinking, mental illness, she was so motivated in all her projects, even the doomed ones.
(My father was also too handsome to ignore I'm afraid)
She died 17 years ago, 2 years after leaving my father. I just wished she had more time to be free, but at least for a moment she was free.
This piece is powerful and beautiful. Thanks for sharing your experience. I was particularly moved by your candid admittance that there is a lot of paradox / a lot of both/and in divorcing. In leaving.
It’s so hard. And (for some) the simple and only answer.
Also, the inertia. Ooof. So on point. How to get off the ride. That’s a tough one.